90 plus

He's already 90+ already. There is only so much that can be done at this point in time. More cancer has been found and it maybe spreading all over his body as we speak. I don't know shit about all the medical nonsense that goes on in hospitals.

I only know that I cannot stand the patronising, sympathising, condescending tone that the doctors take when they 'break' the news to the family. For instance, I sincerely expect you (the doctor) to tell me the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Instead, you sugar-coat everything and try your best to buffer the 'shock' of it all. Oh please...it's not like I've not done this before, and not heard any of this before.

Your protocol be damned...I asked for the truth, so just tell me already. Beating around the bush wastes your time and mine. Of course I will be sad, of course I will feel helpless, but I rather deal with all that as soon as possible. NOT, put up with the medical jargon and 'kind' all liberally sprinkled with 'concerned stares' and 'dramatic pauses'. I can only begin to tell you how I wish I really could deliver 'death stares'.

Hah! Then you'd see some REAL action 'em hospitals...

**This marks the end of random, angsty section on incompetent doctors who don't listen. Whew...
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Anyway, Grandpa's finally out of the hospital, and the prognosis is far from what you would call 'fine and dandy'. Had a long talk with Mom that day, and she was telling me how sad she was that things were not improving for Gong gong.

When Gong gong was in the hospital, he was bored out of his mind (the ceiling of Alexandra Hospital is NOT the most interesting sight in the world, trust me, I checked). He just lay on the bed, and stared into white-washed walls, and slow-spinning ceiling fans. When he was not doing that, he just napped..or maybe he just kept his eyes closed. I will never know for sure...

I've lived with my grandparents for the longest time (since I was a young child), and they've been the next closest people I have in my life. I guess it never occurred to me that what I was doing, is hardly done by most people. At least in my family, my brother and I are the only grandchildren who live full time with our Gong gong and Po po, and we all take care of each other. My mom was the one who shared this with me. She was telling how one of my aunts was explaining/chiding/reminding the other bitching sisters that things were not easy for my mother and us, since we were always the ones 'at the front line' so to speak. I never thought about it that way, and then I realised that it really was true.

I have so many other cousins, but they hardly come down to see Gong gong. Xing Wei and myself are really the only ones around. And yet, we have people who have limited understanding of the situation, trying to give their two cents worth of opinions, when their opinions really don't matter in the first place (at most I'd give it half-a-cent of value?). I mean, I see the boredom and pain in his actions and face every single day. And do you truly want me to tell him that he has to stay in the boring hospital while the medical staff SLOWLY get tissue/blood samples from him for testing? NO right?

My Gong gong just wants to go home and rest and watch his CNA which he doesn't even understand (not the audio at least). For now, I just hope he listens to me and takes all his medicine, and eats/drinks properly. He really needs to understand that he needs to keep his strength up man...

Need to try and get to sleep...tired...and yet....awake...gosh...

Lethal paradox...