The Flyer Codex (Part 1)

This codex was written in the coldest of environments (air conditioned NUS School of Medicine) and the chio-est of laptops (ACER Travelmate, the A4 sized one!). This ancient text will chronicle (actually I intend to write only TWO chapters..lol) all that I know, or have observed, about the dreaded phenomenon of FLYER DISTRIBUTION. These individuals plague our streets with little advertisements printed with a strange substance they call ink on modern papyrus (I believe they call it paper), and the intention is to increase awareness of the fine establishment they represent.

In this opening chapter, I will be expounding on the various styles of flyer distribution. These techniques have been employed by most practioners of this art for many years, and I will be speaking of them in their purest and absolute forms. Of course, we all know that the true artist will develop a mix of these basic techniques and employ them to his/her advantage in this ruthless world of flyer giving.

~=Techniques=~

1. The Pacifist

This technique involves sticking one's hand, with flyer in place of course, into a stream of human traffic, and usually, less often than not, the flyer should be picked up by a person or two. This technique is not proactive, and should only be utilised when the flyer giver needs to rest, or is sick of being proactive. For those who are actually introverted, non-confrontation persons, I seriously suggest you stop trying to do flyer giving as a form of earning income. You just don't have what it takes.

2. The Blocker

This technique requires a rudimentary sense of how a person will walk, especially after they have exited public transportation, or just got off an escalator. The ability to chart their lines of intended passage, even of a rudimentary level, is very powerful. Once a sense of the these lines are mapped out in the givers mental map of the environment, the commuters are easily waylayed, and hence blocked, by the giver. This often means they have to just take the flyer to get the giver out of their face. This technique works well for rushing adults who work in Shenton Way...they're often worrying about their presentation/meeting to try and avoid your flyer.

3. The Persistent Pusher

Very simple. Relentlessly hound the bugger until he/she takes the flyer from you. Very easy, but liable to get you beaten up. Please use this technique with discretion and care. In other words, choose your 'victims' carefully. A yuppy in a Gucci suit and wearing a Prada bag, is less likely to have the number to summon a lorry full of parang (long knife used for hacking anything) wielding ah bengs (hooligans) on his speed dial.

4. The Smiling Eyelocker

A common technique that works best on women. You do not have to be devastatingly good-looking (though it helps) for this to work (but if you were THAT good looking, what are you doing giving out flyers?!). This involves proactively seeking out 'victims', and first establish eye contact. This mutual connection (even if brief) signals that you have CHOSEN them as prey, and even if they try to run, you already have established the desire to 'hunt' them.

So after the eyelock, utilise the smile to guilt them into taking the flyer. By projecting a positive self-image, this forces the person to believe that you are truly a nice person (and are not trying to fire arrows of guilt into their hearts) and they should be compelled to take a flyer from you.

(note: there are certain defenses that are impervious to this technique, but those are few, this technique is my favourite.)

5. The Guilt-er

This technique involves using whatever means possible to guilt an unsuspecting individual into taking your flyer. Usually it involves complaining about how if they take your last flyer, you can then go home for dinner with your parents. Or they share a bit of their life (sob) story to invoke pity (note: this story may, or may not be true). These technique is slightly tiring, and somewhat integrity hurting. It is however fairly useful, and works if you really need to finish up the last few flyers. However, prolonged usage is not recommended as lying that your parents are on their deathbed, and that you need the $ not only needs a healthy dose of acting skills, but also does wonders for increasing negative-karma. Talk about karmic debt man.

(note: some techniques are used in tandem, or in succession to achieve maximum success and to decrease boredom. Flyer distribution is not exactly rocket science you know)