Unhappy

"...you're such a solid presence..."

I am?

Recently, I haven't been feeling really solid. It's really hard...I think I finally understand how it's like to be one tiny person, carrying a facade meant for 100 people. I usually can do it, and I think I do it pretty well, but now, I just feel as if everything is sliding away from me. It really sucks...

I'm feeling small, but it feels as if I need to be bigger...bigger for everyone, bigger for myself. And the worse part is, I know it's totally just a personal issue, and no one is really needing me to carry anything for them. I just hate that people have to see me like this...and even when I do allow them to see me in this state, I know they may not fully understand, or I know that I do not want to burden them by making them worry about me...

I was up at my favourite/secret spot just now...it has been such a long time since I've been up there. Really peaceful and serene, but when I tried to calm myself down, it was really difficult. The cool night air was blowing all around me, cooling me down from my evening run, and the sight of city lights was beautiful as always. Yet, I could not tame the turmoil that lurched around inside.

I then tried to flow with it, but that didn't really work either.

I am feeling slightly lost...

Where is my sky...where is my strength...where is my...everything...

Argh...

High School Muscial Week

This week was High School Musical Week for me. I had a lot of fun singing the songs to myself, and annoying my friends in various settings. Like in project meetings, study sessions in the PA room, and even during my first AGM as part of the 33rd MC for NUSPA. Wahahaha.



This is the song I like best from HSM2 (mostly because I can hit all the keys...they sang one octave lower mah..hehe). Anyway, the week's almost at an end, so I can stop singing all the songs (and torturing all my friends).

I was so crazy last weekend I even went to search out the lyrics for the tracks I really liked, and even reformatted them in Word, and printed them out to carry around with me. Hehe. Siao right? ^_^

FREAKING MAD...

Disclaimer: This post contains strong language, and doesn't display me at my best. Please refrain from reading this if you feel strongly about profanities/vulgarities etc.

This is it...the final straw...I think I've had it with this shit of a tuition kid.

The fucker calls me on Wednesday night to say that he cannot make it for my Thursday afternoon class. This is because his father is supposedly arriving early in Singapore (Thursday, instead of the previously said Friday). After a slightly heated debate with the fucker (hey, I mean he interrupted me during Hairspray, so yeah..I was miffed), I called his guardian to confirm whether or not his father was REALLY coming to Singapore at all. Apparently, there was a lot of miscommunication, and she couldn't confirm with me one bit. So in the end, he said that the only time he had for class was Sunday. Of course, we were still talking about Thursday's class yeah? So, I said, sure thing, Sunday, 2pm it is then.

Now...this is what happened next. I was getting ready for my class with him today (yes, there was another class today, Saturday, which was not mentioned). So since we did not discuss it, I am right to assume that there was no change to that timing. I even sent him an SMS on Thursday, stating that our remaining classes for the rest of the week, would be on Sat (11-1) and Sun (2-4). This fucker, then has the cheek to message me (like 30mins ago), to CHECK whether I was coming for class. And then he adamantly insists that I should have understood that today's class was included in the 'discussion' we had on Wednesday night.

His argument was totally NOT LOGICAL, and he even had the audacity to call me 'STUPID' for not understanding that he meant to include Saturday's class into our 'discussion' as well!

I'm going down for my class with him tmr, and since his father will be there as well, I will gladly DESTROY him. EVERYTHING about him will be torn to shreds, and I will make sure that he DIES (unfortunately, not LITERALLY). How can a person be soooo UNMOTIVATED? I don't even understand.

When I have the time, I shall be reflective and contemplate which parts of him, in me, I really hate, then I can do some self-improvement as well. As for now, I've pretty much had it with this bastard, and I don't think I want to have anything to do with him anymore.

I think I will call Mrs Soh to complain a bit. Sigh...