This here is the second of my journal entries during experience of that which is called The Courage to Create (TCC). Enjoy...
My Life...Now
This is a time of transition for me. Leaving National Service, shifting back to the civilian world, school. It is like I am standing at the centre of a train station, and every train seems to be trying to convince me that it is the one that will take me to where I want to go. However, I do not have much time left to choose, as all the trains will leave the station soon. I do not want to be left behind.
I am at a point in my life where choices have to be made and there is till some doubt about what choices I should make. I realised that I had many queries, but I never actually bothered to go and verify my opinions or to seek out the answers to my queries. I just keep moping about how I should go and do my research, but I never actually got down to doing it. Of course, I have my excuses of "no time", "too much work", "too tired", which I now realise all do a terrible job at justifying my tardiness in getting the research done.
Taking a look at my relationships, I have realised that most of them have become cordial and have been reduced to a sliver of their former depth and quality. I allowed my relationships, with my friends especially, to silde, once again citing the same reasons as I have mentioned above. My relationship with my mother is still functional, but I wish I could better relate to and communicate with my brother. I really need to put more effort into all my relationships.
I have realised that I can take any part of my life, make a decision and do it. However, what I have been doing is to let the various parts of my life make excuses for one another. In the end, neither area produces results. And then I wonder what happened, when it was all caused by me.
I allow the various parts of my life freedom, because I had voluntarily given up control of them and let them control me instead.
End
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