So I'm lying in bed just thinking about my conversation with J earlier and I guess I ought to start getting my act together. I mean these are things I already know and have thought about doing for awhile.
I think the strange thing about me is that I tend to do many things with others in mind and I rarely pay attention to personal things that need paying attention to.
So yeah... It's about high time for a home improvement project and I want to make it work. Time to draw up a plan and a schedule and break it down room by room.
I do want to change the physical space around me and a small part of me wants J to be impressed and to be proud of me. I never thought I'd say this but I think I've found a rare gem in J and he actually has the unique ability to push me without me feeling the need to rebel or be defiant.
He makes me want to clean up my act even more (I make it sound like I've a terrible life at the moment but I actually don't... Though I could do with slightly more drive. I am SUPPOSED to be able to push myself to greater heights of course, being the life coach and all that, ya know) and I know I will be better because of this.
April shall be my month and I will start making important changes to my life. As much as I want to say that I want J to be a part of it, I know in my heart that this has to be MY project (maybe he can help paint something or change a light bulb or two).
So I'm gonna make it work.
Gosh... I should totally be sleeping. Argh!
Good night (or morning)! :)
and thanks J for being so ah-MAzing...
Friday, March 30, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
The Two Types of Secrets
(from Patrick Rothfuss' The Wise Man's Fear)
"There are two types of secrets. There are secrets of the mouth and secrets of the heart.
Most secrets are secrets of the mouth. Gossip shared and small scandals whispered. These secrets long to be let loose upon the world. A secret of the mouth is like a stone in your boot. At first you're barely aware of it. Then it grows irritating, then intolerable. Secrets of the mouth grow larger the longer you keep them, swelling until they press against your lips. They fight to be free.
Secrets of the heart are different. They are private and painful, and we want nothing more than to hide them from the world. They do not swell and press against the mouth. They live in the heart, and the longer they are kept, the heavier they become.
Teccam claims it it better to have a mouthful of poison than a secret of the heart. Any fool will spit out poison, he says, but we hoard these painful treasures. We swallow hard against them every day, forcing them deep inside us. There they sit, growing heavier, festering. Given enough time, they cannot help but crush the heart that holds them.
Modern philosophers scorn Teccam, but they are vultures picking at the bones of a giant. Quibble all you like, Teccam understood the shape of the world."
Notes
1. Teccam is a historical figure in the book. Of course I want to draw your attention to the actual content regarding the two types of secrets.
=================================
This passage just reminded me of the things that ails us human beings each day. There are so many things to say, or not say. Think, or not think. Feel, or not feel. It may seem simple, a choice derived from the classic phrase 'to be or not to be' (Thank you William..), but it is not. Almost every single time, we remain unaware of the consequences of holding on to these different secrets, both unto others and unto ourselves.
Because of our ignorance, we cause immeasurable harm to the people we meet, and to ourselves. 'Painful treasures' they are because though we know how much pain 'secrets of the heart' inflict on us, we guard them jealously and without reason. It's almost like we willingly poison ourselves each day, and willingly die a little quicker than we would have if we had dealt with these secrets.
These things happen all the time:
"There are two types of secrets. There are secrets of the mouth and secrets of the heart.
Most secrets are secrets of the mouth. Gossip shared and small scandals whispered. These secrets long to be let loose upon the world. A secret of the mouth is like a stone in your boot. At first you're barely aware of it. Then it grows irritating, then intolerable. Secrets of the mouth grow larger the longer you keep them, swelling until they press against your lips. They fight to be free.
Secrets of the heart are different. They are private and painful, and we want nothing more than to hide them from the world. They do not swell and press against the mouth. They live in the heart, and the longer they are kept, the heavier they become.
Teccam claims it it better to have a mouthful of poison than a secret of the heart. Any fool will spit out poison, he says, but we hoard these painful treasures. We swallow hard against them every day, forcing them deep inside us. There they sit, growing heavier, festering. Given enough time, they cannot help but crush the heart that holds them.
Modern philosophers scorn Teccam, but they are vultures picking at the bones of a giant. Quibble all you like, Teccam understood the shape of the world."
Notes
1. Teccam is a historical figure in the book. Of course I want to draw your attention to the actual content regarding the two types of secrets.
=================================
This passage just reminded me of the things that ails us human beings each day. There are so many things to say, or not say. Think, or not think. Feel, or not feel. It may seem simple, a choice derived from the classic phrase 'to be or not to be' (Thank you William..), but it is not. Almost every single time, we remain unaware of the consequences of holding on to these different secrets, both unto others and unto ourselves.
Because of our ignorance, we cause immeasurable harm to the people we meet, and to ourselves. 'Painful treasures' they are because though we know how much pain 'secrets of the heart' inflict on us, we guard them jealously and without reason. It's almost like we willingly poison ourselves each day, and willingly die a little quicker than we would have if we had dealt with these secrets.
These things happen all the time:
- The regret of never saying what you wanted to say to loved one.
- The pride that fuels a need to 'save face' when the clear cure is an apology.
- The sick indulgence in one's greed for food, money, sex, misery (yes, this is possible), 'love' (it's actually emotional masturbation in disguise, not true Love)
- The refusal to admit one's current state of mind, heart, body and spirit, which leads ultimately to delusion and estrangement.
The list of scenarios can get very kaleidoscopic, much like all human beings are - multi-faceted and colourful. Hence, the types of secrets of the heart, and their effects are many and varied.
Personally, I have found that the best cure for the poison that comes from a secret of the heart is to find it's very core and snuff it out. This process is by no means simple, but if we search deep within ourselves, we will find that we actually are capable of discovering the core, and the exact way with which to destroy the secret before it crushes our hearts.
I am particularly partial to speaking plainly, soul-baring, and go-letting, as my preferred choice of weapons.
How about you? What would you do with your secrets of the heart before they crush you?
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