Musings

As I walk with trepidation into this new life, I think about the severity of my actions in my past life. It seems as though I have learnt many new things about myself, or at least they seemed to be new things. I highly suspect they are things that I've always known, and just have not thought about for a long while.

The ability to socially meld into any setting is a powerful one, and is something that should be cherished. I do, however, wish to be able to project this ability differently - into more, umm, varied facets of my life. The shining Sun sprays forth its golden light into the world, and ignites growth and power in all beings. That being said, the darkness within men's hearts are also a strong power, when our hearts and minds happily act as conduits for this vileness that resides in all of us.

Of wisdom and courage, we have some, and sadly even that is rarely exercised. Follies in judgement often lead to heartache and frustration, eventually cyclical patterns then forever taking hold. Drawing reference from my favourite Naruto - you will always be forever stuck in the genjutsu, until you die, or disrupt with your flow of chakra. It's pretty interesting how the simplest solutions are ever present around us, and yet we fail to see them with our eyes which have grown myopic and petty and stubborn over the years.

This long holiday is going to be just that - a LONG holiday. The annoyance of it all...sighz...what to do? Next week is ICT (In Camp Training) for me, and I am quite looking forward to it, and yet dreading all that I have to accomplish within the few hours of the commencement of the ICT. *fingers crossed*

On a brighter note, I've met new friends recently, and they all seem like well-mannered, technically well-adjusted individuals of our harsh society. Good good...more sane people to support and to be supported by. Whew...such is the grace of the universe, the people, and the powers that be. *ommmm*

LOL...

This post has been a random musing brought to you by XJ. May you glean whatever wisdom you may find in it (goodness knows I sure can't find any..hehe), and take home whatever pleasure you may gain from reading this post.

Worst Semester Ever!

I got crap grades...

CAP actually dropped by 0.2...

Gosh...those of you who remember my previous CAP score will now know that my plans of doing Honours are in danger. I think small class sizes really screwed me this semester, and I DO NOT (for the life of me!) have the 'sociological imagination'.

Anyway, not in the best of moods right now, and PLEASE don't ask me if I'm ok...I hate that shit. You have to be specially 'trained' to navigate that area of questioning without me thinking that you sound like the greeting card attached to the wreath they send to funerals. LOL

I guess that makes it super clear about where to put my priorities next semester i.e. no more CCA shit for me. I can build my CV in other ways. Sighz...

Off to tuition, poor uni student, with crap grades, still needs his $$$ you know?

Ciaoz!

Again and again!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...

SKYPE ROCKS!

Lessons Learnt...

1. Money blows Family and Integrity out of the water time and time again.

2. I should learn to care a little less...it makes things easier.

3. Respect is soo easily lost...

4. Patience is a tough virtue to practise.

SMSes

amidst all the useless but well-intentioned SMSs
only one moved me to tears...

thank you for saying what, even i myself did not realise, i needed/wanted to hear
i thank you so much for knowing me that well...

thank you so much from the bottom of my heart...
really love you for being here for me
^_^

*stunned*

I am glad that I managed to tell him that I loved him and that I was thankful for all his love.

He was waiting for me to come see him...only me...

Then he left...

Pimp My Motor Vehicle!

Welcome to today's episode of Pimp My Random Motor Vehicle! Today we have a special treat for everyone! What vehicle are we pimping tonight? We are pimping an SBS bus!!! Can you believe it?!

Neither can I! Here we go....

Today, we are aiming for the lounge/club/bar look and feel...wish us luck!


Luscious sofa-like seats replace the usual boring two-seaters! Faux leather in pristine white covers the entirety of the seat, promising luxurious comfort for commuters. No longer do you have to cram your backside into a narrow seat - perfect for SBS's plus-sized commuters! How considerate, don't you think?


For those who prefer to exhibit a more individualistic self, we have installed comfortable one-seaters that promise to accommodate the most prosperous of behinds. These seats will not be able to swivel around as you would usually expect, for we are aware of the safety requirements. We certainly do not want our commuters falling all over the place. ^_^


To fully complete the lounge-ish feel, we have installed a mock up of a bar, complete with our very own glossy bartender. Handsome isn't he? Remember to pop by the bar for a chat or a drink.

This has been an excellent episode of Pimp My Motor Vehicle! Remember to tune in next week for our exciting season finale! ^_^

All Over Again

Sitting there by his bed, I watched him sleep.
It was not an easy sight to bear as I held his hands and felt the coldness,
Or rather, the absence of warmth.
I thought to myself how great it would be if I could really channel heat through my hands to his.
Of course, there is no such thing.
The closest I've heard is reiki and related forms of energy channeling.
And even then there are detractors very much against the practitioners of such disciplines, though I have personally experienced the 'art' performed on myself.

Whatever the case was, I placed my hands over his and commented how cold they felt.
He merely nodded, eyes closed, somewhat unresponsive.
I no longer knows what he wants; communication is almost lost.
He places both palms together, in the fashion of praying, and moves them back and forth -
as though doing so would invoke the spirits to have mercy on him.
I just sat there, content to stare into his old face, carved full of lines by time and experience.

(The feeling of indifference is probably a defense mechanism to protect myself from the pain that is eminent. And no, I still haven't told him I love him. I need to figure out the words first. Yeah yeah, excuses excuses...)

I remember staring at the family portrait hanging in the living room.
I was only 7 or 8 then, I don't remember.
She was still around then. I remember her loud voice filling the home and making it whole all the time.
When she left, she took half the home with her, and we moved into a new place, with only half of what we once had.
Now, he may leave soon, taking the other half with him. The silence that was his will soon be gone, just the noise was hers and had left with her passing.

Then all that will be left is an empty home...and newfound independence and sadness all mixed together in one confusing package.

I still want to be able to channel warmth through my hands, to replace that absence of heat in the cold hands of others.

I miss you...every single day... ^_^