Secret Santa!!!

So right, in my new office, apparently they play this game called Secret Santa. So everyone is assigned a 'san-tee' and they are that person's Secret Santa. So from now till the office Christmas party, we are all supposed to drop little hints for our 'san-tee' and on the day of the party, we should all be able to guess who our Secret Santa is.

Here are the gifts and clues I have received thus far...

No. 1

So we are on the 'same team'...kinda? Hmmm.... there are too many teams here in my office. Damn it!

No. 2

This, I received today! Holy Crap!!!!! I don't really snack that much, but my Santa really outdid him/herself today. Stuffed my stocking full of stuff! O_O

Here's the before shot:

Unfortunately, I still have NO IDEA who it could be... ah well... Shall keep waiting for more clues then. =)

*excited*

Vanilla Cupcakes with Nutella & Rainbow Sprinkles

So what is the lesson I learned today?

I NEED AN ELECTRIC MIXER...

I wanted to do a simple vanilla cupcake with simple white frosting, but I was overly ambitious and thought that I could manage that with just my right arm and my handy whisk. Alas, it was not to be...

I whisked that freaking icing sugar, butter and milk until my right forearm bulged disproportionally to my left arm, and I still ended up with a weak, runny batch of frosting. Conclusion: I need an electric mixer to get the ingredients to rise properly. *mega sadface*

So I had to cheat and frosted the cupcakes with Nutella instead. Then of course, as fate would have it, I happened to have some rainbow sprinkles in my fridge, so those went on as well.

Sigh, I hate this feeling where I am still pleased with the end result, but still slightly dissatisfied with no being able to achieve the vision I had for them in my head.

Well, until I get my pay and buy me a freaking mixer, I shall hold off homemade frosting for now. Maybe I can experiment with other types of icing that don't require the freaking thing to be 'pipe-able'.

Till next time! =)

Tomato, Onion and Cheese Tartlets!!!

Enough said....

MEGA NOMZ!!!!!

I love my new non-stick muffin tin! Soooo power! Mwahahaha...

Out of the trays and onto a nice, white plate... My favourite thing to photograph food on. :)

Taste test! The crust was a little thick, so I must remember to press it down more next time. Other than that, it's pretty yummy... Definitely have to consider adding meat next time. :)

Today I realised...

I was speaking to my good friend John and Ben today, and I realised certain things about my latest relationship and myself in relationships.

I have already decided long ago the kind of person/lover/friend/partner I will be to the person who I choose to be with. I am an idealist and an optimist, and I will always do my very best to be the best person I can be to my other half.

I have a very clear idea about how I want to live my life and how I want to love my partner, and I will never compromise those values, morals and ethics I hold dear to my very being.

Without these things, I won't ever be the same person everyone knows and loves me for, and even though it may hurt, even though it may be difficult, I will never stop trying and pushing forward in being the kind of lover I envision myself to be.

My friend Alex was right, I need to find back my focus, and start doing things for myself again. No matter what happens, at the end of the day, the most important thing is to be true to myself and to live for myself. Whoever is attracted to me, loves me and wants to be with me, will have to know that they fell in love with those exact things. Without those things, nothing would have happened anyways, so there's no way in hell that I would apologise for being those things.

Just last Saturday, I saw my ex, and it was a terrible terrible moment because I realised that things were no longer going to be the same again. There would be no chance to 'just be friends' or be open to possibilities of what could be in the future. Things were already different and I doubt my ex's mind would change anytime soon. I don't have the time to mope or feel upset, because I have already been doing that for the past two months.

I can only conclude that if my ex wants me back, my ex is going to have to work extra hard to even begin to convince me that it is going to be worth it.

I am not going to sorry about how I love, because no matter how I look at things, I have loved in a way that most people can only dream of. I say this not out of pride, or spite, but of a simple acknowledgement of how I have assessed and reassessed, over and over again, our past few months together. I honestly don't know how I will ever find a connection like ours again, but I just know that things won't ever be the same again.

It saddens me, but there's nothing else left for me to do. I wish things could have been different.

Sorry if I have been incoherent or rambly, but I just needed to type all this out. There's probably more, but I don't really have the words to properly express everything, nor do I want it all out here in full detail.

Farfalle and Prawns & Chocolate Chip Cookies

So today was a crazy food day for some strange reason...

I got the urge to cook the funky pasta I bought from this wholesaler in Tuas earlier this week.

So I got my good friend Ting An over to help me cook a pasta dish. In actuality, he did all the cooking this time... I just watched, and of course, ate, when the food was ready. We made Farfalle with Prawns, which tasted okay with a simple white wine sauce. But somehow, I felt the dish looked a little 'much' with all the colours clashing and trying to vie for attention. This is what I mean:

So after Ting An left, I was surfing one of my favourite websites, TasteSpotting, and was suddenly inspired to bake something. So I set about gathering the ingredients to make meself a nice, hearty batch of Chocolate Chip Cookies!!!

I don't own an electrical mixer at home, so everytime I need to cream butter and sugar, I get quite a solid workout. So after about an hour or so or careful work, I managed to produce a decent batch of cookie dough.

Then came my other dilemma - I didn't have decent baking trays/sheets. So I had to improvise using my oven's baking tray. This proved slightly unwise because the heat distribution was very uneven, and it was too good conductor of heat - resulting in several cookie casualties.

Fortunately, I managed to figure out to work around the temperature in the oven such that my dough stopped burning. I simply lowered the overall temperature of the oven and moved the baking tray higher up, thus avoiding the heat source from the bottom. Needless to say, it's time for me to get proper baking trays/sheets.

Here is the result:

Looks so awesome right? The bottoms are slightly charred, but once I get proper baking equipment, they should turn out fine. I am mighty pleased with myself today.

Yay-ness!

Homemade Chicken Stew

So the weather in Singapore has moved into the 'rainy season', which means showers nearly everyday, and the air being generally chilly. It also means my bitch-of-a-sinus problems are hitting me pretty hard every morning (and every time a frigid breeze passes by me).

So I felt that it was time for one of my all time favourite dishes - CHICKEN STEW!

It's really one of the best recipes ever, because it's just so damn easy. Potatoes, onions, carrots, mushrooms (and any other vegetable that stands up well to extended period of boiling is fair game) and nice, yummy chicken thighs! There are a million variations of this dish you can make, but it's really about making it your own. I mean, you ARE the one whose going to be eating it right?

Here's how I did mine (left to right, starting from the top left and move down the picture):

Steps

1. Peel/dice/slice/chop potatoes, carrots, onions, garlic and mushrooms. Quantity is really up to you to decide.

2. Brown the chicken thighs in olive oil over medium-high heat for about 10 minutes, or until you see that all the surface areas are cooked, and the skin is slightly brown, and you can smell the chicken-y goodness. Remove from the pot.

3. Sautee the onions in the chicken-infused olive oil until translucent and then add the garlic. Sautee until the garlic starts to brown slightly. Remember, don't burn the garlic or it will produce this acrid, bitter taste.

4. Tumble the potatoes and carrots in and 'fold' all the vegetables until they are evenly coated with the oil. 'Stir-fry' them for about 8-10 minutes.

5. Now add a litre of chicken stock (I used Heinz...was to lazy to make my own) and top up with water until the vegetables are just slightly covered. Bring this to a boil.

6. Add the chicken thighs and stir gently. At this point, sprinkle in any herbs and spices of your choice. I used black pepper, white pepper, rosemary and thyme. (There's also a pinch of oregano in it, but that's because I grabbed the wrong bottle.. silly me)

7. Add the sliced mushrooms and stir once more.

8. Finally, slosh in a generous amount of wine (I used red, but you can use white if you prefer) and give it a stir.

9. Let the entire stew boil vigourously for about 10 minutes. Then turn down the heat to a low setting and let it simmer/stew for an hour at least. (Longer stewing time just makes the stew taste even more awesome, so it's up to you. At this point I usually go take a nap or something and awake to a house filled with the smell of chicken stew...mwahahaha)

10. Serve this with your favourite carbohydrate (rice, toasted bread, etc)

I served mine with butter rice balls. Just boil some rice, add a dob of salted butter and mix it in. Then roll into ping-pong sized balls. Do this while the rice is still fairly warm, unless you fancy cold rice balls. For those of you who can't take the heat, well, suck it up... if you want to cook, you better training those hands to get used to higher-than-normal temperatures. =P

Yummy yummy... Om nom nom...

Hope you get to stewin' yourself. Cheers! =)

US 2012 Presidential Elections

So I was up late last night and somehow I stumbled upon a YouTube video that showed someone speaking for President Obama for presidency for four more years. So lo and behold (as YouTube goes), I ended up clicking on all the related videos and am now pretty embroiled in the US Presidential 2012 campaigns.

It really blows my mind just how much information there is from both these campaigns. But I guess this is the way it should be because the US is that huge. With all the facts flying here and there, and the attacks and parries and dodges and curve balls being launched from either camps, it can get really confusing really fast, especially for someone like myself who isn't a citizen and who isn't living in the United States. So I am just going to express my opinion about what I have seen and what I feel about the IMPRESSION that both campaign teams have presented to the American public, and now (obviously) the rest of the world. Well, most of the world.. as long as the world has access to Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, the Internet, that is.

Just looking at the general feel and direction of the types of messages being sent out, it really does seem that the Romney camp is way more inconsistent than the Obama camp. With the Obama camp, their campaign is packed with star (meaning CELEBRITY) power, clear and concise facts, and calculated attacks/counterattacks pinpointing the Romney camp's allegations. The Romney camp has been too rigid and repetitive in their messages and have shown little ability to respond to the Obama camp.

I think if you look at the scope of work that President Obama has embarked on, just purely looking at his campaign strategies alone, there is no denying who more of a 'people's president'. There is more real-ness, more connectedness, more attention paid to the people grassroots on the Obama camp, than the Romney camp.

The Romney camp seems more focussed on forcing through their campaign messages through and evading specific questions asked by numerous journalists, economists and the general public. I guess it's a little late, but I honestly don't think the Romney camp has enough time to turn the situation around.

Voting has always been strongly tied to the likeability and at this point in time, President Obama is definitely more likeable, encouraging, all-encompassing and INSPIRING. Governor Romney just seems too straight-laced and reluctant to address the diversity clearly in front of him - I refer to the specific target groups like women and members of the LGBT community. Is there TRULY enough clout amongst Romney supporters to pull off a Romney upset?

I don't think so. Can't wait for November 6.

PS: I wish our local politics could be like that... but I guess we would just have to wait awhile more. =)

Check out these links if you want to see how each campaign has tried to reach out to the people of America:

http://www.barackobama.com/ | http://www.youtube.com/user/BarackObamadotcom
http://www.mittromney.com/ | http://www.youtube.com/user/mittromney

Pain

I have always been someone who likes to deal with his emotions on the spot. I am not a person who waits, who avoids, or pretends everything is okay. Unfortunately, I always seem to end up dating people who do exactly those things...

Right now, I am writing this because I seriously need some kind of outlet and this old blog of mine seems to be one of the most convenient ways I can get this settled. It really sucks when you are at that point where you need to cry, but the tears just don't seem to come. And even when they reach the edges of your lids, they don't roll down your cheeks like you hope they do.

I just want to be able to talk to you again. To be able to hear your voice. To be able to share my thoughts, feelings, and everything with you. I feel alone and I feel lost. I know what I need to do to move ahead, but unfortunately I need you to be able to do the same, which I know you cannot do.

I find myself having to suck it up and try to be strong, but to be honest I just want to cry myself to sleep.I am listening to the first and only song we had ever slow danced to and it hurts to know that we will probably never be able to do that again.

I just wish things could be worked out properly and that I will find the salve that will sooth my heart. It really hurts and it really sucks that everyone around me, around us, thinks that it's a damn shame... I read through our messages again like some obsessed teenage girl and I only saw how good we are for each other...

Fuck this... my grammar, tense and syntax is going to the shits... I can't stand it anymore... gonna find some other way to let this out....

Over and out.

Freedom

Tonight I had an interesting conversation with a very important person. We spoke about destiny versus free will and how do us, as puny human beings even begin to fathom the mysteries of the universe.

The prognosis is bleak. At the rate all humans are going, we are probably going to die pretty much dumb, unaware and full of regrets.

Purposes in life are so hard to figure out and sometimes we don't question enough. And there times when we question too much. How the hell are we ever going to find that balance?

It was a very depressing, neutral and heartening thing to discuss (see? This sentence does not even make sense to lesser beings).

I think at the end of the day I'm not going to fret over it too much. It's more important to just ensure that our earthly shells are kept serviceable while we seek a higher purpose to fulfill.

What else is there to do? *shrug*

Rice Dumplings!

So I tried to make dumplings last night and suffice to say... EPIC FAIL! It was mainly due to my inspiration from eating some QQ Rice dumpling. Which wasn't too bad I must say.

So I got back and decided to try making a batch myself. The initial batch was too oily so I gave up and chucked everything into the fridge.

This morning however I cooked more rice and mixed it in. That made it better. Now my only problem was trying to get the rice the right flavour.

I'm super squeamish about adding too much vinegar or mirin (you DON'T WANT your rice to taste like it was the bastard child of a lemon and a packet of caster sugar). In the end, the rice was still slightly bland, but it's alright. I shall improve next time!

This round the stuffings were caramelised onions, diced and browned chicken franks and curry tuna (from a can lah. No time to cook. Hee).

The trick I used was something Mom taught me. You stick the rice into the corner or any plastic bag (preferably the kind you get from supermarts to put your veggies and fruits. Or you can use a ziploc bag), then use that to shape the dumpling. That's why the dumplings I made are this shape. Lol.

I think it still tasted quite good and it was fun making them. So give it a try if you're the kind who likes to have fun with your food.

Oh! DON'T forget to wash your hands before doing this. :)

From left: Sausage, tuna & caramelised onions.

Operation: Tingkat Surprise!

So my mom mentioned that she wanted me to cook my 炸酱面 (meat sauce noodles). So I did!

It was really fun actually. I've cooked the noodles before but I had never used this insulated tingkat I received as a Christmas present, I think, 3 years ago?

Anyway, it was pretty awesome to cook and then pack everything into the tingkat and of course the look of surprise on my mom's face was awesome as well. :)

Here are some photos:

So I dreamt that I was in a Harry Potter movie...

Wooden floorboards, walls with the paint peeling off them, and flickering lamp lights swung gently as the members of the Order milled around minding their own business and preparing for the battle ahead. Suddenly, there was a loud bang from the Wands Analysis Department. I rushed over to see what had happened.

Smoke was in the air, and there was a burnt odour in the air. One of the wands we had captured from a previous battle wasn't reacting well to all our attempts to bend it to our will. This was a strange as our Wand Will Benders were the best around. I looked at the offending wand and picked it up. Wisps of smoke were still trailing off it. I waved it and attempted an incantation, but nothing happened. I tried another spell, and suddenly the wand glowed. A angry red ring formed at the tip of the wand and rapidly traveled towards my hand. I could not react fast enough and got burned. I tossed the wand away and somehow it levitated and smashed through a nearby window, escaping into the night. The wand had been booby-trapped.

It escaped the hideout and flew across the sea. Upon reaching the main city, it cast a spell. From tendrils of green and red energy that sprung from the wand tip, a huge vortex of energy coalesced and rampaged through the city. We watched from the hideout across the sea and tried to stop it - casting counterspells and counterhexes. But each time the vortex was hit, it reformed from the snaking tendrils of green and red energy.

By the time we realised what the wand was trying to do, it was too late. The vortex wasn't trying to destroy anything... It was a signalling spell, designed to help the Death Eaters find the location of the Order's hideout. And it worked.

Before we knew it, more than a dozen Death Eaters has descended upon our location, and tore through the house. I was cornered, with 'Nick' (not his real name, but who he felt like) and Nurse (definitely a Nurse-type character, but her essence was Nadia). Backed up against the wall, we crouched in terror. For some reason we were without our wands and were defenseless. The Death Eater took off his mask and going talking on and on about how easily we let them penetrate our defenses and how he was going to kill us all. He paced back and forth as he said this.

I felt 'Nick' nudging me. I glanced down and saw that he was trying to pass me a hand full of Healing Squares. He figured that applying enough would help us to stave off most of the killing and torturing curses the Death Eater so loved to use on their victims. I took about a dozen or so, and tried to pass them to Nurse, but the Death Eater caught me! "Medro cinnar mobis!" and I watched helplessly as I felt my right hand open and the Healing Squares floated towards the Death Eater.

The Death Eater smirked and stood in front of Nurse and uttered something about us being fools for thinking that the Healing Squares would be able to save them. He pointed his wand at Nurse - "Avada Kedavra." Green light filled the room momentarily and Nurse slumped over. He turned to face me. "Seetrasoris" I felt the cold gray energy ooze over me. It crept into my body and I felt myself slowly dying. It was like a slow implosion of death energy. My mind spun and I felt my lifeforce drain away. The only thing keeping the gray energy from completing taking me was the wad of Healing Squares in my mouth, but those were not much help either. I slumped over and blacked out, but not before seeing the Death Eater raise his wand towards 'Nick'.

Musings at 4+ in the morning...

So I'm lying in bed just thinking about my conversation with J earlier and I guess I ought to start getting my act together. I mean these are things I already know and have thought about doing for awhile.

I think the strange thing about me is that I tend to do many things with others in mind and I rarely pay attention to personal things that need paying attention to.

So yeah... It's about high time for a home improvement project and I want to make it work. Time to draw up a plan and a schedule and break it down room by room.

I do want to change the physical space around me and a small part of me wants J to be impressed and to be proud of me. I never thought I'd say this but I think I've found a rare gem in J and he actually has the unique ability to push me without me feeling the need to rebel or be defiant.

He makes me want to clean up my act even more (I make it sound like I've a terrible life at the moment but I actually don't... Though I could do with slightly more drive. I am SUPPOSED to be able to push myself to greater heights of course, being the life coach and all that, ya know) and I know I will be better because of this.

April shall be my month and I will start making important changes to my life. As much as I want to say that I want J to be a part of it, I know in my heart that this has to be MY project (maybe he can help paint something or change a light bulb or two).

So I'm gonna make it work.

Gosh... I should totally be sleeping. Argh!

Good night (or morning)! :)

and thanks J for being so ah-MAzing...

The Two Types of Secrets

(from Patrick Rothfuss' The Wise Man's Fear)

"There are two types of secrets. There are secrets of the mouth and secrets of the heart.

Most secrets are secrets of the mouth. Gossip shared and small scandals whispered. These secrets long to be let loose upon the world. A secret of the mouth is like a stone in your boot. At first you're barely aware of it. Then it grows irritating, then intolerable. Secrets of the mouth grow larger the longer you keep them, swelling until they press against your lips. They fight to be free.

Secrets of the heart are different. They are private and painful, and we want nothing more than to hide them from the world. They do not swell and press against the mouth. They live in the heart, and the longer they are kept, the heavier they become.

Teccam claims it it better to have a mouthful of poison than a secret of the heart. Any fool will spit out poison, he says, but we hoard these painful treasures. We swallow hard against them every day, forcing them deep inside us. There they sit, growing heavier, festering. Given enough time, they cannot help but crush the heart that holds them.

Modern philosophers scorn Teccam, but they are vultures picking at the bones of a giant. Quibble all you like, Teccam understood the shape of the world."

Notes
1. Teccam is a historical figure in the book. Of course I want to draw your attention to the actual content regarding the two types of secrets.

=================================

This passage just reminded me of the things that ails us human beings each day. There are so many things to say, or not say. Think, or not think. Feel, or not feel. It may seem simple, a choice derived from the classic phrase 'to be or not to be' (Thank you William..), but it is not. Almost every single time, we remain unaware of the consequences of holding on to these different secrets, both unto others and unto ourselves.

Because of our ignorance, we cause immeasurable harm to the people we meet, and to ourselves. 'Painful treasures' they are because though we know how much pain 'secrets of the heart' inflict on us, we guard them jealously and without reason. It's almost like we willingly poison ourselves each day, and willingly die a little quicker than we would have if we had dealt with these secrets.

These things happen all the time:

• The regret of never saying what you wanted to say to loved one.
• The pride that fuels a need to 'save face' when the clear cure is an apology.
• The sick indulgence in one's greed for food, money, sex, misery (yes, this is possible), 'love' (it's actually emotional masturbation in disguise, not true Love)
• The refusal to admit one's current state of mind, heart, body and spirit, which leads ultimately to delusion and estrangement.

The list of scenarios can get very kaleidoscopic, much like all human beings are - multi-faceted and colourful. Hence, the types of secrets of the heart, and their effects are many and varied. 

Personally, I have found that the best cure for the poison that comes from a secret of the heart is to find it's very core and snuff it out. This process is by no means simple, but if we search deep within ourselves, we will find that we actually are capable of discovering the core, and the exact way with which to destroy the secret before it crushes our hearts.

I am particularly partial to speaking plainly, soul-baring, and go-letting, as my preferred choice of weapons.

How about you? What would you do with your secrets of the heart before they crush you?  

Bored Out Of My Wits

I am not proud to say this, but it is the truth, and I guess no one can really fault me for speaking it...

I AM BORED.

I am so bored, that I have resorted to blogging about it. I think that tipping point where you realise that you REALLY have to get started on something productive instead of bumming around all day has finally arrived, and yes, I have officially TIPPED OVER. (like a teapot, short and stout and all)

At least I am glad that I have my trusty MacBook with me so that I can actually do something with my time (i.e. writing this post). I am now sitting at StarBucks at Wisma Atria, enjoying a grande iced chai tea latte, and secretly trying to will the guy next to me to finish his drink and go away (reason being he is hogging the table with access to a power socket...damn it.).

Other than that, I am in full view of a very pleasant-looking barista who has been all alacritous and 'good-English-speaking'-ish, so I am happy for now. Heehee. So...what should I blog about... *think think think*

Ah! I know. I shall share about my running experience yesterday night.

So my flatmate (Emmeline) and I decided to go for a run around our neighbourhood, and we ended discovering many an interesting place in the Keppel/Labrador/VivoCity/Harbourfront vicinity. It started off as a slow jog down Alexandra Road, past the PSA building, before turning onto Pasir Panjang Road. It amazed me that I was still alive at that point (it was only 15 minutes into the jog), and I was also amazed by how different the entire area looked.

There were now stations where jungle used to be, and up and coming condominiums and 'uniquely' named park-esque places like Berlayer (I think I got the name right) Creek. Well, we went down the road and turned into Keppel Marina, and went round the entire around. Yes, past Prive, and the yachts moored in the marina, and past the mostly empty apartment overlooking the sea.

We joked a lot about how rich all these people must be, and I did my best impersonation of a Malaysian auntie, complete with accurately accented Mandarin and speech patterns. We went past a long wooden walkway that snaked around the mangrove areas, and past a creepy looking colonial house on the hill. (That place gave me the chills...it was all too negative and 'yin' for my tastes).

We also caught discovered couples 'pak-tor-ing' in the few rest points along the trail. How/Why a mosquito-ridden mangrove can be a place for romance still eludes me, but hey, to each his own.

All in all, it was a good 2-hours spent, as we did a lot of catching up on the run, and got to discover many new and interesting places for our next run. =)