Recently I've time to reflect on the company that I keep and the people I truly relate to. It sorta feels like my range is reducing once more, and the general love for people is often confused/conflated/collapsed/tainted by the unhappiness I feel towards certain people.
The thing is, at a level, I guess I already decided in my heart that I don't want to further associate with some people, and maybe I just don't know how to tell them this. Or maybe I'm just confused and frustrated... I guess as much as I know not to be affected by the people around, it's just not easy to just NOT care about the people I love.
Some greater, fiercer, more violent part of me just wants to bash up all the people who are treating the people I care about unfairly. And, I would love to be able to bash up all the intangible things like uncertainty, unhappiness, confusion, frustration, etc. These things always get in the way of people knowing what is best for them, and what they truly want...and seeing that sometimes really pisses me off.
I guess that's why I'm doing what I'm doing...a big part of me still truly believes that I can 'help' the people around by being the way that I am, and by the relationships I build with them. That's why I have resolved to apply the following adage/mantra/advice (whatever else you wanna call it) to my doing of things:
Always make sure you are solving a problem, or making something good even better than it already is.
Try applying this to all aspects of your life - friends, family, work, self...everything. And see how it goes. I guess I'm trying my best to do that everyday, and to myself especially.
Sigh, sorry for that seemingly random post. I just felt like saying those things and clearing my head a little. I think I haven't been speaking that much, or as much as I'd like to. Well, I will try to start blogging retropectively...there are definitely some posts which are long overdue.
Ciao for now peeps!
*hugz*
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